Otherwise Maladroit

25 May 2003

Depression is starting to settle in. My emotions have come around and I've just finished the happy part of my cycle. Hysteria waits at home, but oxymoronically I can't express it. The delicate balance of my day-to-day existence relies on my ability to suppress the need for violence. By god, I want to wring someone's neck and feel the flesh of that throat ooze through my fingertips. I want someone to answer for the way I have to be today. I see the vices Gluttony and Indolence reigning in my life, and with them Fear. My fear is numbing my limbs, and I barely feel my heart beat, and I'm breathing so shallowly. I can't fail. I already have a wife in my mom. Even so, as her direct descendant they can make me answerable for her debts and obligations. I can't live till this all-too-real-artificial-material-hurdle is past.

posted by Otherwise Maladroit @ 4:40 PM