Otherwise Maladroit

22 August 2001

I had another round with my mom. Great. Life is so fucking delicious. I'm tired of all these arguments and I feel frustrated that the solution is not forthcoming. I want to move out. We've had too much of each other. Talking to my mom is like talking to a broken record. The conversation gets nowhere new and nothing is resolved. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm not a people person. Unfortunately,
frank never goes down well with my mom. She keeps whining that I'm abandoning her - and if she keeps up with that I might seriously consider it. Actually, I am considering it. This might be why in that episode of ER wherein Sally Field guest stars I was rooting against her character. It is so frustrating dealing with stubborn parents. Why can't I have a low-maintenance mother?

But that's the rub, my mother is not just my mother. In fact, by most aspects, my relationship with her is like a marriage. I'm not one to consider parent-child relationships as a partnership, I'm more fond of viewing it as a "mama-bear-and-cub" kind of thing.

You know I'm a jackass! The truth is I'm projecting my frustrations. I feel like I'm not heading in any direction. My future looks gloomy, I could even say that it looks
unfortunate. Boy, I'm really jaded now. Reality bites like that mean shark in Jaws.

How I want to be independent now! I don't want to live off someone else's money anymore! I want to earn my keep and pay my bills and try not to starve with a minimum wage and to have my moments of thought in isolation and to clean up for myself and to organize my underwear and to plan my groceries and to save for luxuries and to have a bank account and to forfeit a night at the movies to look over my finances…

You know what hurts? She actually said that if I fail she's going to laugh at my face. So much for that prodigal-son-catholic-shit. Up yours!

posted by Otherwise Maladroit @ 4:43 PM